Identidad (Identity)
I recently went back to my childhood home, the island of Puerto Rico. The truth is that I had set a conscious intention to do so this year. Why? If I tell you that this intention came from my trip to Israel in 2016, specifically an experience at the Sea of Galilee, you may say that I am insane! But, I prefer to call myself a Believer that is guided. By the guidance provided in Israel, I set the intention to accept and own my story and then planned on walking the streets that I walked as a child in my town of Arecibo, Puerto Rico.
I ran away from my roots a long time ago because I wanted to start all over, to forget, to grow, but in my quest to do so, I made the horrible mistake of disregarding the past and simply decided to block most of it.
My story did not have anything to do with my heritage, however I mistakenly mixed the two when I moved to the U.S. in 1996. I because engulfed in U.S. traditions and the American Dream, even when my olive skin, ethnic facial features, strong accent, ability to dance joyfully and personality screamed “Latina” “Boricua” and “India.”
Although I never forgot where I came from, sadly I lived ashamed for a long time of my humble beginnings as these did not fit into my vision for the future. I was always ready to accept and welcome others as their true and authentic selves regardless of their identity, yet I had a really hard time accepting my own story…my own truth.
Why? How could I accept that I was so poor growing up, abandoned by my mother, a middle school dropout, a teenage mom, an abused woman and reconcile it ALL with the person I wanted to be? With the person that I AM today? That was the tough part…but it is done. I have accepted it. I OWN it. I am no longer ashamed, even if others choose to judge me. The thing is that I have reached a level of freedom of thought in my life that I wish others may experience at some point in theirs.
And the most interesting thing? It was music that brought me to book my trip to Israel. Music defined the moment in the Sea of Galilee and music again, brought me back to my identity. The magic of music, huh?
The song “Soy Boricua” is a song that marked my life as a child and a young woman in the island. My last night in P.R. at El Corozal, in Santurce, I asked the owner “Tito” of the establishment to please play the trumpet for me…it was my last night there! Hesitantly, he did, and chose to play this song. One song…and my heart pounded through it…and my heart has not been the same ever since…
To the people that arranged all of this series of events without even knowing it… THANK YOU. Your presence is now engraved in my heart forever.
Welcome back “Boricua”…I missed you.
