The Many Forms of Fatherhood: The Father's Journey

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Being a father can take many forms, each bringing unique joys and challenges. In my coaching practice and life, I am often surprised by the many hats a father may wear. Hence, for Father's Day this year, to honor and cherish men, I wanted to highlight the many ways of fatherhood.

Generally speaking, fatherhood roles in our society are often seen as providers in the financial aspect. However, in my own life, my father's role was much more than that. He always told me as a child how smart and capable I was. How proud he was of me. Of course, he also corrected my ways, but my father's approach was mostly loving, with lots of hugs, kisses, and affection. He would say, "Lisandra, con esa mente tan grande que Dios te dio, que tú tienes, puedes lograrlo todo," which means, "With that great mind God gave you, you can achieve anything." He believed my mind was a gift from God. He also taught me humility and to pursue doing good in life, not money or accolades. We used to spend hours having philosophical talks about life and everything in between. There's so much about him that the little girl in me admires (now a full-grown woman, HA!). We don't have long talks as much anymore, but his wisdom is still profound at 79 years old. I call him Papi...My Papi. What do you call yours?

Here are some of the forms of fatherhood:

Biological Fathers

As my biological father, he ensured I knew he would provide for me. He was aware of the societal expectation for financial responsibility. Yet, he was a single father. The way of fatherhood for a single father of a little girl was quite different and very challenging at times. Regardless, he managed to keep me safe and cared for the best he could.

Adoptive Fathers

The limitations of the times often required him to ask for help. Therefore, other male family members and close acquaintances stepped in as adoptive fathers. They complemented my care by providing a loving and supportive environment when he needed support.

Grandfathers

My grandfather (his dad) passed on before I was born, but I experienced the warmth of a family that welcomed me in. A grandfather usually offers guidance, wisdom, support, and care to the parents and grandchildren. Often, a grandfather becomes the father figure.

Mentors and Volunteerism

Many men I know become mentors or father figures to young men or young women through formal programs, giving them a space to feel supported and receive additional perspective and guidance. Father figures are often found in roles such as coaches, youth programs, and at-risk youth community service programs.

Spiritual Fathers

Fatherhood can also be found in religious settings, where a man may become a godfather, providing spiritual guidance and support as a father or a spiritual mentor.

Modern Fathers

In our modern society, there are more progressive roles for fatherhood, such as stay-at-home dads, who take on the primary caregiving role while their partner works outside the home. Another way is shared parenting, where fathers equally share parenting responsibilities and household duties with a partner. In blended families, stepfathers take on a fatherly role for a partner's children from a previous relationship, helping to form a cohesive family unit. Surrogate fathers contribute genetically to a child's birth without being involved in the child's upbringing, while in surrogacy arrangements, fathers participate in the process where a surrogate mother carries a child for intended parents, including gay couples or single men/women wanting to become fathers/mothers.

As I conclude this blog post, I believe that the ways of fatherhood are varied and critical in a child's life. Fathers must possess key qualities to enhance their children's lives, not only financially. Fathers do not babysit their children; they raise their children. It is a parental honor role. They provide love, affection, patience, understanding, consistency, stability, and positive role models of support and encouragement for a child. The role can take many forms, and each type plays a vital role in a child's development and well-being. 

The essence of being a father lies in the love, care, and commitment given to the child, regardless of the specific circumstances or roles. A father's active involvement in a child's life, including attending events, helping with homework, and participating in daily activities, sends a message of emotional support, providing the child a safe and nurturing environment while also being there to listen and offer advice. Cultural customs may follow specific cultural or traditional practices in fatherhood, which may also involve unique rites of passage, roles, and responsibilities.

What a journey the father's journey is. 

Reflect on the role of your father (or father figure). Today, tell fathers, in any role, how much they mean to you, your admiration and respect, and the difference they make in your life.